This is unlikely to be the last post about you.
Although I said probably.
I didn't want to publish it at first.
It is difficult to completely forget about you.
---
I didn't wish for this to happen though.
Not sure about you though.
You refused to talk to me.
You deleted me on MSN.
You deleted me on FB.
You who I used to like.
And still like. ---
That irrational feeling.
That weird jingle down the spine.
The awkwardness.
You are the epitome of everything I want to be.
The epitome of rebellion and liberation. ---
Brown fringe,
Uncanny personality,
Odd,
Strange,
Weird,
Eccentric,
Peculiar.
That's just what's drawing me to you.
You have the X Factor.
Thanks to you,
I'm digging this bottemless pit.
And jumping in, not knowing what is in stall for me.
Evidently nothing good was there.
And now it turned for the worst.
---
For immediately, all communications networks were deleted.
We didn't even speak.
I kept staring at you.
From my class bench.
It's hard.
It's hard to not bump into you.
I always see you around school.
I'm always so happy to receive your msn messages.
The kind of anticipation I get everytime. ---
Then because of 'lol'.
It was immediate.
You blocked and deleted me.
That hurts me.
Everytime I try to avoid you.
But it's impossible.
You are everywhere. ---
I got so depressed.
I wanted to self mutilate.
I wanted to commit suicide.
All for you.
To get your attention.
Rationality overcame that though.
But it's difficult to delete you from my mind.
I was so depressed I didn't talk to anyone.
I just wanted to talk to you.
The adrenaline rush I get from seeing you superceded everything. ---
I think about you during lectures.
During tutorials.
During breaks.
It's difficult to wash you out of my system. ---
I saw you on Thursday on the bus.
I confronted you.
You said What? That's what you only said.
I said like so much.
I just poured out everything.
I even wrote a letter.
You just nodded and
Shook your head and
Smiled and
Look at your handphone and
Play with the card on your hand.
I was really sad.
I am not angry though.
You can never be angry with the person you like.
---
But I never once gave up.
Because of this,
I remained depressed and distracted.
I couldn't think straight.
I couldn't think right.
I couldn't do my work right.
It was pure torture.
It was sheer agony.
It was antagonising.
You were there.
I couldn't talk to you.
Because I knew you didn't want to talk to me.
You avoided me like a plague. ---
I talked to my close friends about it.
She said just go confess.
I wanted to proclaim out loud.
Who I was.
I wanted to confessed that I liked you.
---
I mustered courage and went to see Ms Kumar.
She told me not to.
She told me to think right.
She told me to wash you out of my system.
I told her it has been a week plus already.
But you are imprinted in my cranial mass.
It's difficult not to think about you.
She totally understand how I feel. ---
I just can't hate you.
I like you so much.
So profoundly. ---
Love's a profound thing.
---
But I know it's going to be really difficult.
I saw you running past our class bench today.
My heart fluttered a little.
So happy.
Then immediately, reality came crashing down on me.
I want you.
---
Adios.
Shawn-------------------------------------------------------------------------
This whole post is only for people who knows what's going on.
If you don't, please proceed to CHAPTER 4 POST 87.
Please really don't read this if you don't know anything.
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